Happy effing birthday to me. Thanks a lot to D Dub for beating my ass, but not too badly, just by 16 points. Best birthday present ever.
To add insult to injury, my Chargers lost, AND Susie Q is ahead of me in standings and points. How does that happen?
Karen's Manatees beat the snot out of Mama Bear. Maybe it's the married couple loses to the bridesmaid and groomsman week? There was a time when starting Peyton would get you 35 points. Nowadays, Andy Dalton sat on Mama's bench and busted out 35 to Peyton's 9.
Susan's Awesomeness keeps plugging along with another win. Then again, it was over Bryrica, so, it should really only count as a half a win. Bry's Guys/Gals did about as well as possible, though s/he left Hurns on the bench with 26 points. Oh, and Susie? If you insist on not playing Dion Lewis, make me a trade offer, wouldya?
Newbie Corey's Destroyers just can't catch a break, losing a narrow match against the 'Heads. Both teams left a couple of big scorers on the bench - that Rawls kid looks pretty damn good, Corey. Might want to hope Beast Mode stays in Least Mode.
Marisa just had to be honest with herself to get her first victory. Changing her name to the proper terminology (Smelly Cat) worked out pretty well. Then again, maybe it was because she was playing Gerry that led to her win. Yawn.
Week 6 Preview
Commish vs. Corey
Manatee vs. Platypi
Awesome vs. Mama Bear
Bryrica vs. Gonzo
Ooof. Just look away. Nothing to see here.
Smelly Cat vs. Leatherheads
Uh, sorry. There wasn't a Leather "Heads" meme pic.
So that's it. In case you didn't quite get it from above, I really want to be back in first place for points. Susan, I know how to tweak your nerves, so just score under 100 this week would you? Or else...
Anyway, time for the sign off. I'll let Sir Patrick Stewart take it from here.
So I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I won. Again.
As a matter of fact, I am also undefeated in my other league. (Yes, I’m
cheating on all of you.) In USC last week, it didn’t even matter that my
starting QB got his knee twisted like a pretzel and only scored 6 points before
being carted off the field. Of course, it may have helped that I was playing
the hapless Bryricas. My beat down would have been even more profound, but
Julio Jones donned a Superman cape, carrying the load with 48 points. The odd
thing was that I didn’t have the highest point total for the first time this
year, even though I scored 163 points. Go figure. I am totally confused as to what went wrong.
The honor of highest points and total ass-whoopin’ delivered
was broughten to us courtesy of Susie Q’s Awesomeness, who SPANKED the Homeless
Manatee, 245 to 102. Yeah, 245 points! I’m not certain, but that might just be
an all time record for this league.
*Five* players scored 25+
points for Susan, compared to just one for Karen. Only one thing could hurt worse than that beating....
In the Daddy-Daughter Dance, Papa Leatherheads squeaked out
a victory over Mama Bear, 119 – 113. (Looks like that trade for James Jones
worked out okay, huh? Not so much for me. I sure could use Rivers back right
about now.) Carla had a donut from the TE, and also left 52 points on the bench
from Steve Smith, and 41 from Andy Dalton. (Though in her defense, who the hell
would start Andy freaking Dalton? Maybe Hitler.)
(Seriously. Watch that video. Funny as hell.)
Marisa hasn’t yet learned that when you mess with mammals,
you get the Moose by the horns. (Or some such nonsense. Stop threatening my man,
Grey Goose Moose!) The Platypi delivered a thrashing, 163 – 129. D37 had 2
starters go Oh-fer, so if she had simply put in other players from her bench….oh
wait. Her bench sucked too. Nothing seems to work out for Marisa, except her cat.
In the BATTLE OF WHO COULD CARE LESS the Gonzo got off the schneid,
beating Corey’s Self-Annihilators, 128-113. Someone had to win, I suppose. Even
though Corey is a self-proclaimed fantasy sports demi-god, he’s lost his first
three games, and above all else, it’s
REALLY not looking too good when you lose to Gerry Gonzo. Wow - even the old Pope is talking smack to the new guy...
Week 4 Preview
I’m going to win, and most of the rest of you will lose. Is
that sufficient?
Ok. Sigh.
I’ll be taking on my wife, who is still smarting from a smack
down for her dad. Maybe I should go easy on her?
I just need Michael Vick to play well tonight. (Oh please
God, don’t let him get hit again like he just did on the first play!)
Karen’s Mad Manatee’s take on the ANDROGYNOUS PATS, er,
Bryricas in a contest to see who is more deserving of .500.I am pulling for Karen, since Bryrica did a
low down dirty theft of my waiver claim, Tyrod Taylor. Bitch/bastard.
Susan was just upset last week because she lost to me in
week 2. She likely spent all of her points for the year in that one, pent-up,
frustration of a game, so she’s due for a let-down. Then again, she’s playing
Gerry, so if she can score more than 50 points, she’ll have a chance of winning.
(Oh holy hell. I tried looking up Bing images for "Gonzo sucks" and not one of the results involved a Muppet. Go ahead, look it up. I dare ya - I double dog dare ya.)
The only other undefeated team is the Platypis who are riding
high, but coming to town are the Leatherheads, standing firm at 2-1. Could be a
matchup for the ages, but then again, perhaps my expectations are too high, just like this little guy...
Last, and DEFINITELY least, the battle of the shitties, Noob
Destroyers visit Moose Killers. Both teams sit at 0-3, but you know who I’m
rooting for, right? Then again, does it really matter?
So that’s about it. Again, could have been summarized
completely with “I am awesome, you are not” but the villagers get restless if
you don’t give them more news updates than that. (Sigh.)
As a heads up, I’m not entirely certain about next week’s
update. I’ll be in Seven Springs, PA all next week for a conference, and then
when I return, it’s my 24th birthday on football Sunday. If I see sufficient
commentary, perhaps that would propel me to put something together…
...four years ago, this was the review-preview I posted. What a blast
from the past. Even a reference to the east coast getting pounded by a
monsoon. Prophesy for this Sunday???
Post some comments this week wouldya? I feel like I am talking to the
wall. Comment on youtube, on the blog (http://uscfantasy.blogspot.com/),
or on the USC Yahoo site. I'd prefer the blog site or the USC Yahoo page - I tweaked some settings on the blog. Hopefully that should
resolve any comments issues; just select "anonymous" as your profile.
Give it a try, and let me know if you couldn't post.
http://uscfantasy.blogspot.com/
BEATMARISA,
Commish
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Grey Goose Moose says hello from the Great Northwest, where he is currently vacationing. He sends his regards, and said that during the solitude, he is plotting very bad things to do to other USC teams.
Week 1 Review
Well, well, well....look who lost their games last week. More importantly, guess who *didn't* lose his game...that's right, your beloved Commish dominated with a crap ton o' points. I destroyed Karen's Mad Manatees, 181 - 133. At least she has an IPA to drown her sorrows.
Meanwhile, I am taking a mature, reasoned, adult approach to my victory.
Susan's Awesomeness overcame Ol' Man Leatherheads (135-114) in the most exciting game of the week. Or not.
The Beatdown of the Week Award somehow goes to Bryrica, by beating his opponent by 63 points. How on Earth could that happen?
....he was playing Marisa, who couldn't even crack the century mark. As such, here's a little message for our wannabe moose killer...
Mama Bear, meanwhile, took care of Corey's Team Destroyers, 138-107. I'm not sure if his team name means he's going to try to destroy your team, or if his players are so horrible that they are destroying *his* team. Silly boy, you self-destroyer.
In a surprising development, Gerry's Gonzo actually put up 141 points, only to lose to Dave's Platypi, who scored 170.
Week 2 Preview
Let's try to make this a Star Trek themed venture, shall we?
Susan is beating me as of right now, but I'm confident I'll make it out just fine, because I am so....
In the saddest looking matchup of the week, Mad Manatee and Great Gonzo face off in a certain turd sandwich of a game.
The 'Heads and the Bryrica Jenners will play a classic for the ages. Here's John calmly telling everyone that he thinks a victory is likely.
Mama Bear is set to take on Marisa, in what should continue to be a hopeless season for the Moose Killer's players, who by the way are not good people.
Oh, and Mama Bear said she'll handle things just fine, without needing a Star Trek meme.
Lastly, we have Davey Boy's Confused Land Mammals taking on Corey's self-annihilators. None of us have been too sure as to how Dave came up with his team mascot, but Worf has an idea.
So that's it for now. Good luck to everyone, except you know who. I'd bet she's getting pretty tired of my abuse.
I don't really care about her team, other than that they lose often, and by a lot. So here's where I usually end with the repetitive tagline, wishing defeat upon 'Risa's team, but let's change that up just a bit today, shall we?
