Week 3 Review, Week 4 Preview

Week 3 Review

So I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I won. Again. As a matter of fact, I am also undefeated in my other league. (Yes, I’m cheating on all of you.) In USC last week, it didn’t even matter that my starting QB got his knee twisted like a pretzel and only scored 6 points before being carted off the field. Of course, it may have helped that I was playing the hapless Bryricas. My beat down would have been even more profound, but Julio Jones donned a Superman cape, carrying the load with 48 points. The odd thing was that I didn’t have the highest point total for the first time this year, even though I scored 163 points. Go figure. I am totally confused as to what went wrong.

 The honor of highest points and total ass-whoopin’ delivered was broughten to us courtesy of Susie Q’s Awesomeness, who SPANKED the Homeless Manatee, 245 to 102. Yeah, 245 points! I’m not certain, but that might just be an all time record for this league.

*Five* players scored 25+ points for Susan, compared to just one for Karen. Only one thing could hurt worse than that beating....

In the Daddy-Daughter Dance, Papa Leatherheads squeaked out a victory over Mama Bear, 119 – 113. (Looks like that trade for James Jones worked out okay, huh? Not so much for me. I sure could use Rivers back right about now.) Carla had a donut from the TE, and also left 52 points on the bench from Steve Smith, and 41 from Andy Dalton. (Though in her defense, who the hell would start Andy freaking Dalton? Maybe Hitler.)

(Seriously. Watch that video. Funny as hell.)

Marisa hasn’t yet learned that when you mess with mammals, you get the Moose by the horns. (Or some such nonsense. Stop threatening my man, Grey Goose Moose!) The Platypi delivered a thrashing, 163 – 129. D37 had 2 starters go Oh-fer, so if she had simply put in other players from her bench….oh wait. Her bench sucked too. Nothing seems to work out for Marisa, except her cat.

In the BATTLE OF WHO COULD CARE LESS the Gonzo got off the schneid, beating Corey’s Self-Annihilators, 128-113. Someone had to win, I suppose. Even though Corey is a self-proclaimed fantasy sports demi-god, he’s lost his first three games, and above all else,  it’s REALLY not looking too good when you lose to Gerry Gonzo. Wow - even the old Pope is talking smack to the new guy...

Week 4 Preview

 

I’m going to win, and most of the rest of you will lose. Is that sufficient?

Ok. Sigh.

I’ll be taking on my wife, who is still smarting from a smack down for her dad. Maybe I should go easy on her?

I just need Michael Vick to play well tonight. (Oh please God, don’t let him get hit again like he just did on the first play!)

Karen’s Mad Manatee’s take on the ANDROGYNOUS PATS, er, Bryricas in a contest to see who is more deserving of .500.  I am pulling for Karen, since Bryrica did a low down dirty theft of my waiver claim, Tyrod Taylor. Bitch/bastard.

Susan was just upset last week because she lost to me in week 2. She likely spent all of her points for the year in that one, pent-up, frustration of a game, so she’s due for a let-down. Then again, she’s playing Gerry, so if she can score more than 50 points, she’ll have a chance of winning.

(Oh holy hell. I tried looking up Bing images for "Gonzo sucks" and not one of the results involved a Muppet. Go ahead, look it up. I dare ya - I double dog dare ya.)

The only other undefeated team is the Platypis who are riding high, but coming to town are the Leatherheads, standing firm at 2-1. Could be a matchup for the ages, but then again, perhaps my expectations are too high, just like this little guy...

 

Last, and DEFINITELY least, the battle of the shitties, Noob Destroyers visit Moose Killers. Both teams sit at 0-3, but you know who I’m rooting for, right? Then again, does it really matter?

 

So that’s about it. Again, could have been summarized completely with “I am awesome, you are not” but the villagers get restless if you don’t give them more news updates than that. (Sigh.)

As a heads up, I’m not entirely certain about next week’s update. I’ll be in Seven Springs, PA all next week for a conference, and then when I return, it’s my 24^th birthday on football Sunday. If I see sufficient commentary, perhaps that would propel me to put something together…

Until then, let’s go Mike Vick, and as always…

BEATDAVE,

BEATMARISA.

Commish