Champeen?

It's Championship Day, and I'm starting off the day in a BIG hole, as my TE got me 3 points, and Davey Boy's flex TE got him 37 last night. But I'm still feeling kinda confident about winning it all. Or not. Yeah, maybe not.

Week 5 Review, Week 6 Preview

Week 5 Review

Happy effing birthday to me. Thanks a lot to D Dub for beating my ass, but not too badly, just by 16 points. Best birthday present ever.

To add insult to injury, my Chargers lost, AND Susie Q is ahead of me in standings and points. How does that happen?

Karen's Manatees beat the snot out of Mama Bear. Maybe it's the married couple loses to the bridesmaid and groomsman week? There was a time when starting Peyton would get you 35 points. Nowadays, Andy Dalton sat on Mama's bench and busted out 35 to Peyton's 9.

Susan's Awesomeness keeps plugging along with another win. Then again, it was over Bryrica, so, it should really only count as a half a win. Bry's Guys/Gals did about as well as possible, though s/he left Hurns on the bench with 26 points. Oh, and Susie? If you insist on not playing Dion Lewis, make me a trade offer, wouldya?

Newbie Corey's Destroyers just can't catch a break, losing a narrow match against the 'Heads. Both teams left a couple of big scorers on the bench - that Rawls kid looks pretty damn good, Corey. Might want to hope Beast Mode stays in Least Mode.

Marisa just had to be honest with herself to get her first victory. Changing her name to the proper terminology (Smelly Cat) worked out pretty well. Then again, maybe it was because she was playing Gerry that led to her win. Yawn.

Week 6 Preview


Commish vs. Corey

Manatee vs. Platypi

Awesome vs. Mama Bear

Bryrica vs. Gonzo

Ooof. Just look away. Nothing to see here.


Smelly Cat vs. Leatherheads

Uh, sorry. There wasn't a Leather "Heads" meme pic.



So that's it. In case you didn't quite get it from above, I really want to be back in first place for points. Susan, I know how to tweak your nerves, so just score under 100 this week would you? Or else...

Anyway, time for the sign off. I'll let Sir Patrick Stewart take it from here.

Commish

Since 1993.

I've been at this fantasy football thing for over 20 years. Weekly reports used to involve postage stamps.

Week 3 Review, Week 4 Preview

Week 3 Review

So I don’t know if you knew this or not, but I won. Again. As a matter of fact, I am also undefeated in my other league. (Yes, I’m cheating on all of you.) In USC last week, it didn’t even matter that my starting QB got his knee twisted like a pretzel and only scored 6 points before being carted off the field. Of course, it may have helped that I was playing the hapless Bryricas. My beat down would have been even more profound, but Julio Jones donned a Superman cape, carrying the load with 48 points. The odd thing was that I didn’t have the highest point total for the first time this year, even though I scored 163 points. Go figure. I am totally confused as to what went wrong.

 The honor of highest points and total ass-whoopin’ delivered was broughten to us courtesy of Susie Q’s Awesomeness, who SPANKED the Homeless Manatee, 245 to 102. Yeah, 245 points! I’m not certain, but that might just be an all time record for this league.

*Five* players scored 25+ points for Susan, compared to just one for Karen. Only one thing could hurt worse than that beating....

In the Daddy-Daughter Dance, Papa Leatherheads squeaked out a victory over Mama Bear, 119 – 113. (Looks like that trade for James Jones worked out okay, huh? Not so much for me. I sure could use Rivers back right about now.) Carla had a donut from the TE, and also left 52 points on the bench from Steve Smith, and 41 from Andy Dalton. (Though in her defense, who the hell would start Andy freaking Dalton? Maybe Hitler.)

(Seriously. Watch that video. Funny as hell.)

Marisa hasn’t yet learned that when you mess with mammals, you get the Moose by the horns. (Or some such nonsense. Stop threatening my man, Grey Goose Moose!) The Platypi delivered a thrashing, 163 – 129. D37 had 2 starters go Oh-fer, so if she had simply put in other players from her bench….oh wait. Her bench sucked too. Nothing seems to work out for Marisa, except her cat.

In the BATTLE OF WHO COULD CARE LESS the Gonzo got off the schneid, beating Corey’s Self-Annihilators, 128-113. Someone had to win, I suppose. Even though Corey is a self-proclaimed fantasy sports demi-god, he’s lost his first three games, and above all else,  it’s REALLY not looking too good when you lose to Gerry Gonzo. Wow - even the old Pope is talking smack to the new guy...

Week 4 Preview

 

I’m going to win, and most of the rest of you will lose. Is that sufficient?

Ok. Sigh.

I’ll be taking on my wife, who is still smarting from a smack down for her dad. Maybe I should go easy on her?

I just need Michael Vick to play well tonight. (Oh please God, don’t let him get hit again like he just did on the first play!)

Karen’s Mad Manatee’s take on the ANDROGYNOUS PATS, er, Bryricas in a contest to see who is more deserving of .500.  I am pulling for Karen, since Bryrica did a low down dirty theft of my waiver claim, Tyrod Taylor. Bitch/bastard.

Susan was just upset last week because she lost to me in week 2. She likely spent all of her points for the year in that one, pent-up, frustration of a game, so she’s due for a let-down. Then again, she’s playing Gerry, so if she can score more than 50 points, she’ll have a chance of winning.

(Oh holy hell. I tried looking up Bing images for "Gonzo sucks" and not one of the results involved a Muppet. Go ahead, look it up. I dare ya - I double dog dare ya.)

The only other undefeated team is the Platypis who are riding high, but coming to town are the Leatherheads, standing firm at 2-1. Could be a matchup for the ages, but then again, perhaps my expectations are too high, just like this little guy...

 

Last, and DEFINITELY least, the battle of the shitties, Noob Destroyers visit Moose Killers. Both teams sit at 0-3, but you know who I’m rooting for, right? Then again, does it really matter?

 

So that’s about it. Again, could have been summarized completely with “I am awesome, you are not” but the villagers get restless if you don’t give them more news updates than that. (Sigh.)

As a heads up, I’m not entirely certain about next week’s update. I’ll be in Seven Springs, PA all next week for a conference, and then when I return, it’s my 24^th birthday on football Sunday. If I see sufficient commentary, perhaps that would propel me to put something together…

Until then, let’s go Mike Vick, and as always…

BEATDAVE,

BEATMARISA.

Commish

On this day...

...four years ago, this was the review-preview I posted. What a blast from the past. Even a reference to the east coast getting pounded by a monsoon. Prophesy for this Sunday???

Enjoy!

Everyone was still losing, and I was still winning.

Commish

Week 2 Review, Week 3 Preview

I posted a quick and dirty 7 minute video for this week. There's a shout out to Pope Franky and a new baller, JB Byrd.

Week 2 Review, Week 3 Preview
 
Post some comments this week wouldya? I feel like I am talking to the wall. Comment on youtube, on the blog (http://uscfantasy.blogspot.com/), or on the USC Yahoo site. I'd prefer the blog site or the USC Yahoo page - I tweaked some settings on the blog. Hopefully that should resolve any comments issues; just select "anonymous" as your profile. Give it a try, and let me know if you couldn't post.

http://uscfantasy.blogspot.com/

BEATMARISA,

Commish

Grey Goose Moose says hello from the Great Northwest, where he is currently vacationing. He sends his regards, and said that during the solitude, he is plotting very bad things to do to other USC teams.